Amazing Grace

This week, I received a call from my son in India at five in the morning. He was phoning with the most wonderful news. A director in Bollywood who had taken an interest in his documentary, hired him to write and co-direct two full-length feature films. My son was ecstatic. And so was I. It's been a long journey from the cult days and my son is living proof that children can survive their parents' involvement in a toxic group.

Later that day, I received a call from his father. Alec called to rejoice with me in our son's accomplishments. Of our two children, he said "We raised them to follow their dreams and that is what they have done."

"Yes, it took a lot of faith on their part," I said. "You know how it is - leap and the net shall catch you."

"Well," replied Alec. "It didn't exactly catch us. When we were their age, we went crashing through our net."

"Yeah, The Way was a disaster," I said. "But they're on a good path. They've done better than we did and that's all a parent can hope for."

"I always said, if I did nothing with my life than love my children, I will have been a success," he said. "I believe we've both been successful at that."

My eyes filled with tears and I swallowed hard. We both had come a long way since our violent marriage and the abuses of The Way, the hospitalizations and the custody fights. It had taken a lot of work and forgiveness but all that was behind us now. We could revel together in the success of our children. Not only were they following their dreams but they seemed happy doing it.

Funny how when you love someone, his dreams become your dreams, her success becomes your success. Such is the way of being a parent, whether you're divorced or married. It's one of the great mysteries of grace - how life goes on and happiness happens. I'm grateful for the love my children have received - from every quarter. That's my definition of grace - the capacity to love and heal in the face of adversity. To start over again and again and again and finally to succeed.

It's been a good week.

p.s. check out my son's trailer for his new movie about U.G. Krishnamurti:
ug a documentary.com
Thanks!

On Flashing Back

Today in my little Episcopal church, which I now love, we talked about the blind man whom Jesus healed. We also sang “Amazing Grace” – “I once was blind but now I see…” And for once, I didn’t have flashbacks to the cult. It was amazing.

The thing about flashbacks is you’re “flashing back” to a time of traumatic experience. It’s as though the mind is trying to bring light to a horrific situation by reliving it. But in reality, flashbacks, as anyone who’s had one can tell you, only terrify. They retraumatize the survivor. That’s why it’s so tricky to write about violence and abuse.

The point in writing about trauma is to bring light into the darkness, not to overwhelm the reader….or the writer. Sometimes, when I talk about my book, I find myself once again consumed by the trauma I experienced. I find myself remembering painful things that pull at me like a surging undertow. In order to maintain my balance and see clearly, I need something greater than myself to hold onto.

It’s hard to survive reality on your own. I’ve found I need the spiritual support of a Higher Power. Because to God, “darkness and light are both the same” and Jesus is the one who made the blind see. When I “flash back” into the darkness, I now take the light of the Spirit with me like a great lantern. That way, I am no longer blind. I see reality for what it was and is and I can thrive.